My greatest fear since I was growing up was sex and self esteem.
One time when I was 6yrs, l had my neighbor screaming.
As a caring child, I rushed to her bedroom.
😱 The lady was making weird movements ,i tried to bit the man on top thinking he was hurting her, instead i was shouted at.
Only now do l realize it was pleasure.
This scenario tormented me for a very long time.
A quiet child i was, l never asked anyone for an explanation.
I faced difficulties with boys when I got older.
No matter how much I loved you, l couldn’t dare take you in as my boyfriend in fear of sex.
In fact i suffered a lot of heartbreaks .
One time thought of killing my self.
imagine loving someone so deeply yet you can’t allow them touch you😂😂.
Leaving that alone, I reached a moment in life where I was tired of everyone stepping on my head, I was quiet over bearing.
I was suffocating, dying with issues yet I couldn’t tell anyone. My mom and other guardians were so tough, had no friends, therefore silence become my friend.
I tried so hard for so long, doing many things to regain assertiveness, but the results were in vain.
Finally music came my way 2yrs ago.
Honestly this is not one of the places I ever dreamt of.
In line to my knowledge , this place was immoral.
However due to many blows of life, it taught me to have a flexible mind.
I was tired of being afraid of ABCD…
I wanted to prove to my self that I can do whatever I set my mind to.
I wanted to know how it feels to be with self confidence ,to run your life according to your own rules.
I was tired of being fragile, being affected by what anyone would say.
I wanted to be free, to be in charge.
This was one of the biggest steps I took in improving my self esteem.
I had never sang anywhere or to anyone in life.
I never knew what clubs are, what studio recordings look like, I was simply ignorant in this whole thing.
I disregarded all that, l faked it until l made them believe I was some crazy young girl craving for fame.
There came those SENGA’s and KONJA’s in music who come to tell you how much they know and how you should do abcd…(not in good faith)
It took resilience and determination to shut up the “you can’t voices” and stay focused on my mission.
😱😱 kabooom, the person i never knew was emerged.
“The LIONESS “.. and this is how I came to tag my self with that name.
I couldn’t believe the girl with no self esteem was now the same girl who would go on big stages, make the crowd wonder if she was possessed.
Everyone one else calls it bitchy, but to me its a battle warn.
I was fight against my helpless old self ,it was never against earning a thing.
Perhaps its normal for other artists to be in the shoes of my life style but to me, it was a battle of self confidence and accepting my self.
The fact that you hurl insults at me without objectivity and I ignore.
It shows how determined l was to burry the girl with insecurities.
Am absolutely detached from any negative opinion raised upon me especially from someone who doesn’t know the true me.
In fact I admire my self now, standing out to fight my fears is what many of you can’t do.
Many of you are stuck in places you don’t want to be because of your cowardice.
When you notice someone doing what you failed to be courageous at, you relive your self by undervaluing them.
Life is a mirror, it reflects your reflection.
In a nut shell, I wanna encourage you to face your fears.
It doesn’t matter what the world thinks of you. some day they will learn the truth. Only you understands the pain of being stuck where you are and how tired you are.
Just make a decision to taste your determination.
Only then will you understand why I’m so excited living a life am in control of.
Its hell living under fear of something.
It doesn’t matter how small your fears are in the face of the world, but you are aware how restless they make you feel.
Life is like a pattern, once you unlock one area code of your life, its automatic to unlock the other areas of your life.
You need freedom to choose how you want life to go.
What are your fears?
Are you ready to face them to the core?